My entire life I’ve always thought of my sensitivity as a weakness. A people-pleaser, nervous Norma, no back-bone, a door-mat were all things i’ve been called and considered myself in life. Through high school, college and post grad I found myself in toxic, co-dependent relationships. I was always feeling the need of approval. Fear of disappointing others. The need to be liked. 

Striving to make the deans list, a committed cheerleader through college I found myself comparing. Comparing my grades to friends, my skills to teammates, my body to other women. I constantly felt insecure and then, further judged myself for my lack of self-confidence. I felt that I had to prove myself to my coach, my boyfriend, my parents in order to be seen, accepted and loved. It wasn’t until age 25 that I took a good look in the mirror and I became aware of the self-sabotage I was engaging in. 

I was caught in the go around of anxiety and need of external validation for approval. I always felt like there was '“more”. You know that feeling of lack? Chasing something bigger because you know it exists but you can’t quite pin point exactly what that is? Knowing that you’re settling but feeling guilty because what you have “isn’t that bad”?

I began to realize the patterns of attracting partners that kept control on me through the power of guilt and shame. I found myself in turn denying my own internal reality. I carried around so much guilt and shame. Thankfully, through inner child work I have learned where my need for external approval comes from. I’ve learned that I can re-wire and re-write my inner dialogue and story. That I can simply be me, and that I as me, am enough. I’ve gotten to know myself so well on all levels- mind, body and soul.

Looking back I can see where I took the turn of denying my worth and denying my gifts. Where I kept my truth quiet in fear of hurting others feelings. I’d always find myself putting out fires and “letting things go” to simply avoid conflict, tension and anxiety.

Through healing, I’ve learned that my fire-fighting tendencies were just a trauma response to avoiding conflict. 

I now understand that when my body/nervous system felt that trigger of oh shit, this overwhelming feeling of anxiety, guilt and shame is going to happen again, I shut down. I stayed small. I didn’t speak my truth, share my needs, wants and desires. Not only because deep down I didn’t feel worthy of doing so but I was scared. Scared of how others would react. Scared of being called crazy and left there to internalize it and suffer.

Along with carrying the heaviness of guilt and shame, I was anxious about life in general. I grew up overwhelmed by feelings. I could feel others emotions. Since a young age I’ve had a higher perspective and understanding in many situations. It’s like I could feel others pain, understand who in the room was suffering from grief or loss. I was drawn to those who needed to hear a certain message of hope. Reflecting back, I can remember in high school I was so drawn to certain people both classmates and teachers. Specifically those souls who just a few years later were diagnosed with illnesses or crossed-over. I never knew why. It was all so confusing.

I found myself at doctors appointments being diagnosed with chronic migraines, anxiety, and hypersensitivity. 

I can remember when I was fifteen I went to my pediatrician and told her I thought I was schizophrenic. She laughed at me and said, “crazy people don’t know they’re crazy hunny.” I left feeling defeated. Why was it that I has a clear knowing of things? Why could I feel things so intensely. Why couldn’t I walk into a store without walking out with crippling anxiety?

Florescent lights triggered my anxiety when I walked through target or the mall, I must see my optometrist I’d say. Again, always coming back healthy and normal leaving me feeling crazy. It wasn’t until I followed 500+ self-love accounts, bought all the self help books, the podcasts, you name it I did it that I began to understand my sensitivities.

I started to understand the concept of an empath, intuition and my spiritual gifts. Everything I once felt didn’t feel so crazy anymore. In short, I realized that I have a unique gift of mediumship, a strong intuition and ability to channel messages between the heavens and earth. I denied this gift for so long out of fear and because partners made me feel crazy, in turn making me deny my gifts.

Today, I am grateful for the guilt and shame I once carried around. I am proud of my old people-pleasing tendencies as they were all part of my story. The narcissistic partners were a blessing because I am able to look back and thank them for giving me the opportunity to re-claim my worth and come back home to myself.

I was divinely guided through synchronicities to many different healers and mentors. I can sit here today and say I no longer suffer from the anxieties of life that I used to. I operate at a higher frequency, I know that I am worthy simply as I am. I love myself and my body. Although healing is an on-going journey I am able to protect my energy, have healthy boundaries, communicate my needs and understand my triggers.

Through the time and investments I have made in myself throughout my healing, I have come to the realization that I am here to help others with similar struggles and stories.

That I am a healer, an intuitive and here to guide and support other women in releasing all old traumas, fears, limiting beliefs, step into confidence, and embody all of themselves.

I am here to lift you up, hold space for healing and assist in the embodiment of the true you!